Saoirse Alone

Blog for my online art gallery

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Wanderer

I had a dream that my image turned to tan (my color for 'nothingness') and that I was in the desert, with nothing around me in all directions but land and horizon. And a brilliant sunset (sunrise?) loomed in the distance with all colors building the skyline.

Often I have dreamed of having so little that I could just take myself to anywhere in the world, set myself down, and start over from there, as if I had never left wherever I happened to be. That money did not exist and people did not box up in houses, that we could plant ourselves anywhere and experience life and living wherever we found ourselves to be.

This is a strange comfort for me ... no attachments and nothing holding me back, no people misunderstanding my intentions, no one making assumptions about me or feeling things about me that aren't true, no one trying to mold me to their image of what a good woman, daughter, wife, mother should be .... to leave everything behind by having nothing to hold onto but myself and Creator .... and all of Earth Mother being "home" for a wanderer who is deeply lonely and desperately tired, but doesn't like fences, rules or boundaries. And I've never had a good understanding of social etiquette, I "read" people Sso I can survive in society, but I never seem to understand most people all that well, in interactions, relationships .... often I give up trying to 'fit in', then I am called a recluse or a hermit.

I never claimed to be an easy person to get along with (I'm not), but people wonder why I am so quiet in person. (When I open my mouth, I tend to stick my leg in it, not just a foot.)

I think there would be more comfort in the desolation of a desert, than in the company of people and 'civilization'.

Earth Mother's children (non-human) have never asked me to be anything but myself, we've always gotten along very well, and I feel we always will.


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